Nothing really new . . . It’s been a rough day

I just ugh . . . Our rent goes up ALOT next month but with the pandemic my husband (partner) is out of work. I also can’t receive any more financial help & just have to wait to see what happens with my case & or July when the baby is born

I felt really down but only thing I could do was clean (I didn’t want to ruin any crafts out of frustration I also have some new crafts planned)

Unfortunately one of our cats likes to try and mark her territory all the time cause she’s not the dominant one bit thinks she’s is. Soooo I went around washing the walls, doors, stairs, everything that could be washed by hand means alot of floor work, then I vaccumed upstairs, cleaned/scrubbed the tub & showered. Did laundry then went to vaccume the living room. But because I dumped some water on the carpet upstairs then vaccumed not thinking about it. When I came downstairs hair from the Brissels stuck to the carpet

This means I almost had a mental breakdown cause I couldn’t finish cleaning.

Buttt I stopped & decided I should probably have some water as I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink all day . . .

I am now stuck on the couch in horrible pain (I know this happens everytime & I still do it to myself but my husband doesn’t clean properly either)

I did have a hot shower & some tea so I’m feeling a little better but I really want to cry

I’ve also in genneral being having issues eating. Not cause I feel to sick anymore just that there isn’t anything I want & if I force myself to eat I hate myself after. But I have been having shakes at the very least & forcing myself to eat dinner

On a better note. My mom said she will get me a large family sized Cesar salad tomorrow 🤣

Downside. I had a few plans such as get up early, get gas,run something to the post office, re fill my colored ink for the printer & take my husband to check on the status of his license. . . . I really hope I can get it all done but it will not be early after my stupid ass cleaning today randomly

Oh & I think I found a way to stop my one cat. I cut holes into a leg warmer. She’s pretty small so it fits well and she’s been good all afternoon & evening. I’ll let her out in the bedroom as usual for the night with a litter box & water. We can’t leave her to roam at night because she always escapes -_-

But we need to train the cats to not sleep in our room for a while with the baby sleeping in there when they come. Our cats love to cuddle & I don’t want them to lay on the baby when I’m asleep

Even though I did all that cleaning (with vinegar & soapy water) I really need to do another baking soda vinegar over night soak on the carpet & furniture buttt I also need to purchase more cleaner for the carpet washer we have. Sooo I have to decide if I want to just do water peroxide and vinegar or purchase the stuff we had before though if I think about it, it’s all the same price in the end or close to it . . .

Money is just super super tight. . .

I’m not even tired it’s midnight & I just feel so aweful. I’m going to try & snack atleast & get more water

Stay safe 💜

Well now what’s up!?

Sooo, I’m waiting for my obgyn to call & if not I call my family doctor again & then the gender ultrasound so either way all good there
Getting less & less sick now so I’m so happy for that. Seems every few days I feel a little rough but all good
I’m going onto 18 weeks, no movements just yet, & bump is slowly getting bigger.

Now onto pain . . . About 2 weeks ago now I got this absolutely horrible pain like the muscle spasms you get in your feet or legs & hands (atleast I do alot anyway) it was down both arms, into my shoulders, neck & horrible headache.

Now thing is I’ve had the arm pain before but only lasted a few hours, mostly went away when I had a 3am hot hot hot shower
The headaches aren’t uncommon either cause my scoliosis & lower back pain causes it.

Earlier that day I had slight arm pain like I had worked out so I assume from driving in the snow storm we had, my head started to hurt more & went to bed early
In the middle of the night I was in so much pain in my arms neck & head, I tried the shower nothing!!!

I eventually was just so exhausted I passed out eventually. In the morning I was still in pain & had to wait for my mother to come home & help me. Until then I was in tears I was trying to stretch out, nothing helped.

My mother finally came home gave me a long massage & let me borrow the massager she has. So throughout the day I would turn it on every so often

You have no idea how thankful I was that I was finally feeling my normal lower back pain again.

Soooo after all that I felt really bruised for a few days & my head was till bad. We kinda assumed hypertension headaches also so I booked an appointment with my family doctor.

Now. . . . Earlier that week I had gotten a call from my ODSP lawyer who’s helping me with my case saying well, the ODSP peopls aren’t going to look at ANY of the information I’ve sent in meaning ALL the DETAILED paperwork of each & every procedure, operations ect. This absolutely ruined me I was in tears I felt sick I didn’t want to do anything but sleep or just get away. The one thing I was holding onto was that my layer said he will contact my specialist the one who did my replacement & ask if he will give a statement.

As soon as I got off the phone I contacted Mr specialists office & got an appointment within a week. I had also done the MRI I was waiting on forever.

I go to my appointment that is an hour and 20 min drive sooo didn’t plan to clean or anything the day before orrrr few days after. As soon as I see my specialist he instantly says “I got a call & I’m going to give a statement, I use your case all the time & actually recently when I had a conference with other doctors” once again I burst into tears, I was so freaking releved. He also booked me in for nerve testing (my MRI just showed that my disks are still slowly deteriorating that we knew but cause of my loss of feeling in my leg every morning & then the arm issues I told him) he said as soon as I go to the appointment call his office. He’s also wanting to keep an eye on me because I’m pregnant.

What now

Well I’m just waiting but I feel so much better things are finally being sorted. I know my specialist would back me up just glad to actually have it confirmed. It’s just some relief

I’m just so tired of having to explain myself to have to justify that I’m disabled that I was born disabled. Why do I have to fight so hard when it’s been my entire life
I don’t want to be drugged up on meds 24/7 & unable to do anything with my life & that’s what odsp wants that’s what tells them I’m disabled . . .

🤣 I’m sorry I know I put alot into one entry but I’ve just been so blehs till last week & I needed my time to clear up my head. This all only happened the past couple weeks so lots of emotions in a small time

But for now I’m waiting on my nerve test & my obgyn. I’ll be going to a hospital outside my city that has a high risk obgyn because like I’ve said I’m high risk.

Other than that, basic money issues, covid bs, this & that trying to get by. I however got all of 40$ extra a month for diet during pregnancy.

Our half of the bills are 1450$ (my husband we aren’t actually married we don’t have paper work, we also don’t fully live together with his work & such but he still helps pay rent here & car insurance)

I get 760$ a month I think now. The 1450$ doesn’t include a card I pay for or insurance so those are a few extra hundred. Doesn’t include gas for the vehicles but includes groceries & everything related to the house.

With no bdays & such coming up I’ll be giving all 700$ over for bills & I’m waiting on the seal for my candles so I can start making those again

I have purchased new scents & colors but I’ll need more wax & I found someone for crystals as well as larger jars, however I need to sell what I can make in hopes I can purchase more materials.

Ive also kinda been waiting for my sister & brother to move out so I don’t have to split the money with my sister any more. I understand that sounds petty but I made sure not to take half for the new materials I purchased & she hasn’t helped since the first batch. I need the money nothing I can do about it sadly.

Hmmm well that’s it I think kinda . . . Without getting to into everything

Hope you’re all well & safe 💜

Sorry it’s been a big gap again, always something going on be it good or bad

Sooo I’ve had bloodwork done to test for anything that may need a medical abortion. It’s not fair to my husband to have to take care of me when I’m older as well as a child that may have extensive medical issues let alone I wouldn’t want to put a baby through 9 months of growing to pass away shortly after being born either.

I’m currently still waiting to hear from my doctor & should be in before the end of the month. She will then find me a high risk obgyn. However based off the ultrasound little gremlin is growing well & everything.

As for pregnancy sickness it’s been mehs. Past 2 weeks I’ve been fine all day but if I eat after 5 I’m extremely sick (puked lastnight for the first time in a week) so I really need to make sure I eat before hand. After dinner & before bed I get pretty uncomfortable but usually some green tea has helped amazingly.

I’m only just showing as I had a little squish to begin with so haven’t done my 3 months (14 weeks as of yesterday) belly paint yet

As for my days just basic cleaning here and there, I have been working on a mini tea house as well. I replanted some of the items to make it more suited to me & I’m almost done probably another week atleast. I just haven’t had the urge to get back to it.

I always knew yet always forget. I can’t sit in one position very long due to my back & hips so when I work on my mini it’s a few hours at a time & I end up really I’ll by the end of the day. Plus the room is always closed & not used very much so it was cold most of the time I was in there and that & that doesn’t help either

So for the first time in a few weeks I actually played some video games & hurt my eyes alot 😂 oh well. Oh I also had a day this week where I did absolutely nothing, just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. Happens sometimes

What else what else . . .

I have an MRI this Monday for my scoliosis & as much as I’d prefer not to I have to for my disability case. Becauseee being born with my hip not attached & still wouldn’t stay put after 3 operations, then causing mass amounts of muscle & nerve damage as well as scoliosis ect wasn’t enough for my case alone. . .

Anyway. . .

Not sure what else to say really. I’m tired & sick but everything is fine. Stuff in the house is a little stressful here & there but hopefully doesn’t last to much longer. Some issues with car insurance today that I can’t deal with till Monday. Hmmm who knows just going day by day really all I can do.

If anything else pops up I’ll try to post 😂 I’m just over most of the bs oh yes and we have been without a toilet for 2 weeks . . . Still going. The landlords aren’t in a rush as there is 2 others in the house but they aren’t in my part of the house & one is basically not accessible but the one that is gets used the most by everyone. . . Just stuff happening that’s blehs
Will attach some photos!

Hope everyone is well 💜

Oh it’s been a little rough but then I thought it was getting better. I’ve been ok all day long then around 5 I feel sick. Was about a week like that and now I’m back to puking again but usually after 5. I find that if I don’t eat or drink enough by 4 then I’m screwed once it hits 5

This all started happening few days before Christmas Eve. My mom was cooking food all day & then we would eat round 7.

Christmas Eve I couldn’t eat much cause again boys worked out in the shop all day and I was waiting for my husband before I ate (he had to shower & lock up the cats with me before we ate but everyone else was just ready to sit) the family however did wait ofcourse but didn’t mean much for me. Luckily everyone was tired and or drank all day lol so went back to their own rooms right after food (all finger foods)

Christmas dinner I puked half way through & since then just been trying to eat what I can of the leftover finger foods
Yesterday & today I’ve puked when trying to eat more than crackers, toast or soup but nope

Next ultrasound is the 11th & I still need to book blood work. After that I’ll see my doctor again before she calls a high risk obgyn

My appointment I was 155. Though my mother just got a scale and said I’m 164 so I’ll be testing again tomorrow morning. I have to be careful with my weight cause of my medical issues

I’m sorry I wish I could write more but I’m going to try & eat some bread and butter before I sleep

Wishing everyone well. I’ll elaborate more on the holidays when I’m feeling well though not much happened

I’ll post some baby gift photos

Sooo I have been puking now for 4 days in a row I think. Usually between 2h & 2.5h after I wake up. However the past 2 days the night has been rough & I just wanna puke again

Tonight I’ve been in bed since 5pm with my laptop, switch, water, cucumbers and some crackers. My husband might make me porridge later or chicken noodle soup. We will see if this settles what I feel like 🤣😭

However! First ultrasound, my husband didn’t get to come in but I didn’t video call only cause I was allowed a print out & there wasn’t a heartbeat sound could just catch it fluttering.

8 weeks, due date July 22nd (but I have to have a csection anyway so dates might change as they do anyway with when a body goes into labour ofcourse)

I had either Braxton Hicks contraction orrr just a full bladder 🤣

I wonder how the state of my uturus may or may not change with my hip replacement & how not alone can move.

Now I’m just waiting on a call from my doctor for an appointment before they close for the holidays.

Well it’s more netflix and relaxing for me. I wasnt to bad when we got home but my mother made a far to smelly dinner.

Goodnight & stay safe

Well I’d like to write alot but I dunno so we will see how it goes

Been about a week now or so that I’ve had morning sickness. Almost puked twice & finally did today cause it lasted so long

Been trying to get get some of my small business things together to make some money & luckily candles are selling so that’s good cause we will finally be able to start what we really wanted to do with them in the new year. Though my sister gets half & doesn’t help but it was her materials we were using till the new year.

Other than that just slight family mehs. Some family’s members drink alot & everyone has some sort of opinion ofcourse. Yet I’ve always been the one to stay quiet until with age I said fuck it and stand up for myself. However long story short I’ve been told I don’t need to be bitchy just cause I’m pregnant. . . . -_- I’m not and I know I’m not also I never even was on my period. I’ve always been told I’m a super laid back person but because they have nothing to go after me for its that. . . . I dunno . . . That’s an entirely different tale to tell I guess.

Anyway. . . Waiting on my appointment Thursday Dec 10th 2020 first ultrasound, not sure if my husband can go it, is it worth calling even cause he’s coming anyway just means he can go in or not but honestly why not?

Not looking forward to driving 30 min as I couldn’t get in anywhere else and I looked at reviews. Plus the water I have to drink

I’ve also felt that I waste my days with nothing though I am doing stuff just with huge breaks throughout the day cause I’ve been pretty blehs 🤢

Oh well. That’s all for now I guess. . . .

Ill attach photos

I know I haven’t written anything in months, with the move, a mental break down of my sister’s boyfriend leaving her living with us, a dog attack on a cat meaning my mother’s dog is to be put down. . . . It’s been alot

I’ve taken some time & things are finally looking up

I took a test a few days ago & guess what?

I’m pregnant!!!

Sooo now what?,

I’ve let my family in the house know cause there is no way I’d be able to keep it from them. But we will not tell anyone else until the heartbeat ultrasound after Christmas.

This means I need to book an appointment soon as I’m high risk just based of my disability alone. I also can’t go for my scan anymore for my ODSP case . . . Making my case alot harder though I guess we will see. Maybe with forced doctors appointments (hard to always go for my disability cause nothing changes and it’s the same all the time) I’ll have alot more paperwork though & no forced medication that part I’m happy about because I don’t have to justify why I don’t want drugs on my body that don’t actually help any

Moving on . . .

I’m excited & happy & tired lol. No morning sickness yet but in about 2 weeks or less maybe

I had cramps but not pain and then my breasts were really sore for 3 days, after that I took a test cause something just didn’t feel the same.

My breasts aren’t as sore & I have little twinges in my abdomen.

It’s been about 2 weeks now based off when we conceived

I hope to atleast update once a week or when things happen

Sorry to have not written in so long. Life was CRAZY. I can elaborate one day 😂

W

Slept in wayyy to late today because of our neighbours AC unit. Sometimes I sleep through it sometimes I don’t
Travis had been using headphones but our earplugs come in Tuesday hopefully

Because I slept so late ive been in a poor mood kinda not really. Hard to explain but I wasn’t going to post today

Haven’t done much not sure where the time went. I played animal crossing re did a large portion of my island, it’s hard cause I have no diy so it’s just terraforming and flowers or trees lol and binged she ra all of the new season then on and off of a UK police show

Anyway I’ve also not made dinner in a few days because people in the house right now are all adults and I’m so tired of always cleaning up after everyone or sticking to a schedule that fits them not som uch me

On my last glass of booze tonight plus I hope to try and conceive though I know it’s not going to happen as I’m a week or so ahead of ovulation bit hey every little bit helps lol

My husband is never very excited sounding about our plan ( not saying he doesn’t want to he just sucks at talking, when we got married I was so surprised to see him teary when we were all in the limo to dinner)

Hmmmm what else, my brother didn’t come home cause long weekend so technically his step mom gets him (his dad is american and moved back to the USA and his wife was planning to move this summer)

Tomorrow I hope to have the mental stability to work on stuff for our candles as I’ll be able to purchase the rest of what is needed next month so need some visuals to represent it all and for people to be interested

I’m exhausted, bored, not bored, sad, I get in these moods where I just zone out but I’m in a deep hole yet not like I’m fully sad or anything. No idea how to explain

Anyway. . . Finishing my drink, a show and off to bed

I hope you’re all well and safe

(also I’m totally fine it’s kinda normal for me and it’s never that and I just zone out and feel everything at once)

Woke up this morning and straight after feeding the animals I pulled together a huge picknick lunch.

We decided that it’s the first decent day for a while now so why not go over to my sister’s. She has a large area out back if her apartment so we set everything up there

All of us have been locked away since March so no chance of anyone passing anything around. I’m surprised cause we stayed till 8pm. Was really nice to be out and have some drinks before I quick while trying to get pregnant. (Also I am not sun Burt lol it was 20 degrees out)

I think tonight/tomorrow will be the end of my period meaning we will finally start trying to get pregnant.

I’m really excited and anxious not cause I’m worried or anything 😂 just hate waiting for things to happen or to do things and this is something I can’t really control

Well I’m exhausted because our neighbours AC unit is vibrating loudly against our wall so the bedroom has a loud humming on and off all night. My husband ordered some earplugs cause what else can we do? If we make a complaint I can see them just telling our landlord, him coming in to hear the noise then do nothing more

My brother also plays quitar at all hours of the day and night plus my mother’s dog who loses her mind at everything little sound and no sounds at all for that matter . . . I just want out of here so badly

This place is falling apart and whenever we have had the landlord in he just shit talks us saying we are at fault though we know this house was falling apart before we even moved in but he put a big bandaid on it all

We hope to move/pack as soon as my mom’s back from this recent run so fingers crossed we can just get this all done smoothly. . . .

Makes me incredibly stressed out as my brother’s room is literally a health hazard due to him surprisingly and not the landlord’s lack of care.

I dunno 🤮

Anyway . . . Last few glasses of alcohol tonight & that’s it for me

I’m going to watch some she ra have a drink or two and just relax

Stay safe & healthy 💜